Last Updated 1 year by Lukas
Do you think it’s better to control everything? Or do you think it’s good to be flexible? Let’s discuss these issues together in an article called The Paradox of Control. We will examine the potential advantages and disadvantages of relying completely on control and sacrificing flexibility, or doing the exact opposite. Our lives are usually about finding the right balance. Trying to break that balance over a long period of time can have unintended consequences and make our lives very fragile. Hopefully it will leave us with a valuable experience to use for personal growth.
It all begins with a story
Once upon a time there was a man who wanted to make his house as fireproof as possible. He put all his energy into planning what to do in the event of a fire. What was the best and most efficient way to fight the fire and put it out. He even ordered and had installed very sophisticated and expensive safety systems that would actively extinguish the fire if it was detected.
He was very proud of his creation and was constantly improving it. When a newer model was introduced, he was the first to buy it and have it installed. Time passed and nothing happened for several years. And he thought it was because his system was perfect. This created a false sense of security that made him unaware of other potential threats.
One day he came home to find everything ruined by water. One of the pipes in the wall burst and flooded his whole house. As this man was focusing all his attention on controlling and securing the fire. He overlooked the fact that flooding is another common cause of home destruction. And because there was no automatic system to close the valve. After some time, he also received a large bill from the water company.
When we think we can control things that we can only influence. And at the same time we remain blind to other things because we think they might never happen. And so we only prepare for the most likely ones, spending all our money. And we are left with no resources or room for flexibility. One day we may be taken by an unpleasant surprise. Let’s explore the paradox of control together in this article.
Is there an ‘ideal’ solution to this paradox?
Introduction
There is no single solution that covers all the situations we may face in our lives. As a rule of thumb, we need to move on a continuum between control and flexibility. What does this mean? It means that there are situations where it is advantageous to choose more control and there are situations where it really doesn’t matter and we can be very flexible.
Things we can control and things we can’t control
It’s important to realise that there are really only two kinds of things. Those that are completely under our control and those that are not. In the case of the latter group, we can say that these are things that we can influence (to some extent), but that we are not able to control completely. For example, you can control how you react to situations/things from the outside world, you can control your actions.
On the other hand, you can only influence what other people think about you, how good your reputation is. You can only control how fast you grow old. The point is that you can only influence these things to a certain degree. And that degree varies from tiny influence to huge influence for different things.
How can I distinguish in between what I can control and what I can’t
That is a very good question. We can look to Stoic philosophy for guidance. Controlling what we can and ignoring/accepting what we can’t is known as the dichotomy of control concept. This concept simply says that if we learn to differentiate between the two and spend most of our time on the former. Our level of happiness will increase.
Things we can control
- Our beliefs
- Our values
- Our perspective
- Our actions
Things we can’t control
- Simply put, anything other than things we can control
- The economy
- The weather
- …
How to make it practical?
We can all agree that theory is nice, but what we use in our real lives is practical application. We’re unlikely to turn into stoic sages overnight. And is it really only black and white?
No, in reality there are many shades of grey. What we should take away from Stoic philosophy this time is this:
- We should spend most of our time working on the things under our direct control as our first priority.
- Next, we should spend most of our time working on things over which we have a great deal of influence.
- We should minimise the time we spend working on things over which we have minimal influence.
Ok, is there any advice how to stay motivated while doing the above?
Introduction
Theory always sounds amazing, interesting. Often everything is clear and we wonder how it is possible that we have not followed such obvious advice. Until we realise that we have feelings, motivation, from time to time we feel like not getting out of bed. Sometimes we are happy, sometimes sad. And all this has a significant effect on what we are able to do (or convince ourselves to do). Let’s see if there’s anything in Stoic philosophy that might help us.
Amor fati (‘The love of fate’)
Be it the Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus, one of the last great emperors of the Roman Empire Marcus Aurelius or simply the great German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche. They all have one thing in common and that’s the popularisation of the concept of Amor fati or, we can say, the love of fate.
Everything that happens in our lives is exactly what should happen and exactly what we need. If we look at it from a slightly different perspective. If we are feeling sad, it may be the last push we need to regain control of our lives and change direction.
On the other hand, if we are happy at the moment. All the previous situations (sad or happy) have brought us into this current state of happiness. The point here is to realise that our life is expanding exactly as it should. And until our life is over, we will never know what next chapter awaits us and what it will bring.
In other words, we should embrace the future, learn from the past and put as much effort into the things we can control as possible. Let’s accept what life throws at us and use it as material to grow stronger and wiser.
Premeditatio malorum (‘Negative thinking’)
Often we have a great idea. We are sure it must succeed, so we rush to implement it. We are simply so overwhelmed by the desire to act that we ignore signs of potential problems and, without preparing for them, we simply take the ‘leap of faith’.
There are two approaches to getting started. One is to plan everything properly before we start and the other is to start and learn as we go. The world isn’t black and white, it’s shades of grey. This means that a combination of these two approaches usually works best.
In other words, when we act as if something has failed (we just imagine it). Then we can think back how it was possible for such a problem to happen. And when we know how it happened, we can prepare for it and take countermeasures.
Obviously, we will use this strategy primarily for things where failure can have a significant negative impact. There is no point in doing ‘premeditatio malorum’ if you are just planning to go shopping. The trick is to use this strategy to save as much time as possible.
Memento mori (‘Remember that you are a mortal’)
We humans often act as if we have all the time in the world. Unfortunately, with today’s technology, we are still mere mortals with a limited amount of time. This makes time our most precious resource, because once it is spent it will never come back.
By remembering and reminding ourselves of our own mortality, we can find motivation to escape the grip of procrastination. It’s also a very humbling experience that keeps us focused on the really important tasks in life.
It doesn’t matter whether we want to be the best parent, the best employee or the best entrepreneur. In all these examples, if we remind ourselves of our own mortality from time to time, we do ourselves a great service.
It reminds us of the importance of action and planning. Because we really are blissfully unaware of how much time we have left. And it would be really sad to spend all our time deep in procrastination. Because on our deathbed we usually regret things we never did.